MarySue Mockfest: Destination Tokyo
by Anne Miliardo
Summary: Celestina Windbreaker, Goddess of Mary-Sues, is back to her old tricks again... but instead of Middle Earth, an innocent high-schooler is sent to the Meiji Era! Can Anne find a way to get back to her own time AND as far away from OOC Sanosuke as possible?
1. Arrival, Departure, and Arrival

Mary-Sue Mockfest, Destination: Tokyo  
  
Chapter one: Arrival, Departure, and Arrival  
  
~*~  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Rurouni Kenshin OR Celestina Windbreaker. I do highly reccommend the original "Mary-Sue Mockfest 2003" by The Noble Platypus, or the sequel, "A Very Mary Sequel". It's insane AND entertaining, but mainly insane! YAY, INSANITY!  
  
Oh, and brownie points for anyone who just played Name That Quote. "YAY, VIOLENCE!"  
  
~*~  
  
The form of a sparrow-like bird settled itself on a branch and cocked its head to the side, watching the girl that walked by with some interest. Unfortunately for the girl, she failed to notice the bird all together, though one cannot understand how she couldn't see a canary yellow bird and an unbelievably long fushia tail. It was her favorite disguise, for she was not a sparrow -- she was Celestina Windbreaker, Goddess of Mary-Sues.  
  
"A new target is just what I need to get my mind off of the last girl," Celestina whispered to itself, watching carefully as the girl started humming "The Real Folk Blues" to herself. "That blasted Randi ruined my plans... but this girl shows more promise than she. Yes, she'll do; she'll do."  
  
The goddess waited until the girl had gotten a good distance away, then disappeared in a cloud of smoke. She reappeared in front of the girl, though she had changed into her original humanoid form. The high-school girl started, torn between alarm and being impressed at a sudden appearance of an incredibly (though a bit illogically) beautiful woman.  
  
"Um, hi," she began slowly. "Did you just... Apparate or something?"  
  
"Wrong continuum," Celestina sneered. "No; I am Celestina W--" she hesitated, remembering the reaction she'd received from the last time she'd given her last name, then continued. "--I am the Goddess of Mary-Sues," she said quickly, though making sure to remain as dramatic and refined as she could manage.  
  
The girl tried to smile politely and bowed her head once to Celestina. "Mmm-hmm, great to meet you. I hate to cut introductions short, but I kinda have to be somewhere in about fifteen more minutes--"  
  
"That can wait!" The goddess interrupted. She then pointed her slender, porcelain finger at the girl as cinematically as possible. "...you."  
  
There was a moment of silence. "Um... is this a Fill-In-The-Blank kinda thing?"  
  
"YOU," Celestina repeated, "have been chosen to be my Mary-Sue."  
  
"Sorry, Miss Celeste or whatever your name is," the girl replied irritably, "but my name's Anne, and I don't remember volunteering for any Mary-Sue organization."  
  
"My name is Celestina Windbreaker!" She snapped back before she could stop herself, then realized her mistake as Anne's face contorted into an expression of amusement. "...do you have a problem?" She snarled.  
  
Anne bit her lower lip in an attempt to bottle the laugh that was dying to get out. "Um, no... not really..." After another moment of silence, she added, "Windbreaker."  
  
Celestina gave a heavy sigh as she watched her target double over in laughter. "Oh stow it, I've heard them all." She cleared her throat and straightened her long, elegent dress before speaking again. "YOU... are my Mary-Sue now. You're perfect for the part!"  
  
Anne's laughter died a bit at that. "Uh, yeah, sure. Like I know what a Mary-Sue is, anyway..."  
  
"Well, look at you! You're a Sophomore in high school, you're remarkably pretty--  
  
"Am not," she countered.  
  
"Are too, and moreso because you try to hide your feminine side by always pulling your hair back, wearing that rediculous baseball cap of yours, and constantly wearing boyish clothes! Anyway... you're the right age, have the right appearance--"  
  
"What's wrong with my hat?" Anne snarled, tipping the bill of her favorite denim baseball cap back in order to better lock her angry eyes on Celestina's.  
  
Instead of firing back a heated reply, the goddess merely stared into her eyes with astonishment. "...oh, MY! Your eyes are PERFECT, too! A most wonderful shade, not quite brown, yet not quite hazel..."  
  
"Uh, yeah, ever heard of 'chestnut'? It'd kinda, y'know... COMMON."  
  
"No matter. Your eyes, age, and appearance are absolutely perfect, and you're completely ready to leave this horrid existence on this horrid planet!"  
  
Hearing this completely stopped Anne in her tracks. "...leave? What the carp are you talking about?"  
  
"I mean that--- ...did you just say 'carp'?"  
  
"I'm more concerned about the 'leave this world' speech you just gave," Anne snapped. "I can't leave! Why would I WANT to leave?" She sighed. "Never mind, you're just crazy or something. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet my friends for a movie. Hope you have fun finding your way back to your padded cell." She tried to walk past the goddess, but she moved in her way. Anne frowned and tried the other direction, which was as successful as her first attempt. "Um, can I get by?" She asked hotly.  
  
"No chance, sweetie. You're coming with me. I hope you've done research about Japan's Meiji Era, because you're about to become Miss Sagara!" Celestina snapped her fingers, and they both disappeared in a *POOF* of smoke before Anne had a chance to try and escape.  
  
~*~  
  
"Owie..." Anne slowly opened her eyes and tried to make them focus against their will. She must've passed out after Celestina had *POOF*ed them... wherever they were. "Of all the stupid, psychotic, idiotic, intolerable, and BLOODY ANNOYING things for that Goddess of Jackets to do... where am I?"  
  
"Hmph," a familiar voice said coldly. "I don't take kindly to being called names."  
  
This gave Anne the energy enough to sit up and turn around, only to see Celestina leaning against a wall with a VERY evil look on her face. "What the heck did you DO?! WHERE AM I?" She shouted angrily.  
  
"Temper, temper," the goddess snapped. "And don't make me send you to Inuyasha or Harry Potter -- there are love triangles galore in those continuums!" She cackled maniacly for a moment, then regained her composure and grinned once again. "You are in Tokyo during the Meiji Era of Japan, in the continuum of Rurouni Kenshin!"  
  
"Rice-A-Roni-WHAT?" Anne cried.  
  
"You're a tomboy and a former student of swordsmanship!" Anne's clothes changed from her normal jeans, tee-shirt, and button-up overshirt to a skirt-like pair of pants and a loose-fitting gi. She screamed and turned around, afraid that her frontside was fully exposed to the evil goddess, but her stomach, ribs, and chest had been bound in a ribbon-type bandage. "You'll get used to it. BUT! You are the daughter of the late sammurai, Okigatakewashi Eijo--"  
  
"That sound like a bunch of random words thrown together," Anne scoffed.  
  
Celestina's eyes flared dangerously. "Any more out of you and it'll become seven syllables longer!" Anne quickly silenced, though looking none too happy about being forced to listen. "Where was I... oh, yes. You," she began again, "were not only an illegitimate child, but your real father and former sammurai was brutally slaughtered by the man who was to be the only father you'd ever known! Not only did he mercilessly beat your mother and you, but because you were the oldest and your mother was constantly tending to broken bones, he beat you harder to make you cook and clean for your eighteen younger siblings!"  
  
Anne stared, her face frozen in an expression of sickened horror. "You're sick!" she exclaimed.  
  
The goddess didn't seem to notice, and continued on with her twisted story. "Every other night, you would sneak out to train with your sensei at his dojo, and he told you the stories of Battousai the Manslayer. You constantly prayed that he would find and kill the man that was your father! But sadly, your poor, dear mother died of a broken heart when you were nine, leaving you to fend for yourself; however, one night your father came after you with his sword, and you ran! You ran and ran, frightened for you life, not caring about anything the world could do to you, because there was no way it could be as harsh as your home life had been! At the age of ten you were forced to learn how to survive on the streets, stealing from merchants' carts and pickpocketing the rich!" Celestina paused to take in a deep breath. "But on the night of your ninteenth birthday--"  
  
"I'M FIFTEEN!" Anne shouted, appalled.  
  
"WELL NOW YOU'RE NINTEEN, YOU BRAT!" Celestina shouted back, snapping her fingers. Instantly, Anne grew a head taller and a little more, um... figured. "On your ninteenth birthday, a gang found you in an alley, bound you, gagged you, and raped you until daybreak, when Tae at the Akebeko found you! You've worked there ever since, never allowing her to give you a place to stay because you secretly gave all your paycheck money back to the restaurant!"  
  
The teenager gave her a skeptical look. "That makes no sense."  
  
"That's where Kenshin Himura and Sanosuke Sagara met you, after Tae introduced you to them! Now, you've passed out from lack of food and water and sleep into Sanosuke's arms, and he's taken you back to the Kamiya Dojo!" Celestina clutched at her chest dramatically, writhing as if her heart was in pain. "He one day hopes to help you learn to open your heart to others; HOW CAN THESE KIND PEOPLE EVER TEACH YOU TO LOVE AND TRUST ANOTHER LIVING SOUL AGAIN?!"  
  
The author snickered to herself, then coughed, wheezed, and fell silent.  
  
There was a moment of silence before Anne's wide-eyed stare of disbelief and terror returned. "How sick and twisted can you BE?!" She shouted. "There's no WAY that could ever happen to any realistic human being! A book like that would make Upton Sinclair shudder!"  
  
"Oh, it happened..." Celestina's evil grin made her shiver. "..because I'm in charge. And you'll like it, or I'll make it even worse," she finally hissed, then snapped her fingers. Anne felt herself falling, spiraling out of control down into the darkness, until she hit something hard with her back. The world flashed an indescribable shade of color just before Anne passed into unconsciousness...  
  
~*~  
  
"I think she's... coming around..."  
  
"...hard fall... no food... days..."  
  
"...had...hard life, that she has..."  
  
Voices drifted in and out of Anne's mind as she lay, slowly coming back to consciousness. Her foggy brain was hurting her memory, but she could distinctly remember something about a Sanosuke and being hungry... but she hadn't been hungry before -- THAT she knew for sure. Her eyes slowly opened and focused, though a light from some indefinite source was hurting her head.  
  
"Where am I?" She asked groggily, blinking slower than usual.  
  
"At the Kamiya Dojo," a female voice replied. "You're okay now, Hotaru, your strength will slowly come back to you if you lie still."  
  
Anne's head swam now as she tried to think. Kamiya Dojo? Why did it sound so familiar...?  
  
Celestina.  
  
Her eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright, glancing around madly. "Where is she?" She snarled. "Where's that stupid goddess?"  
  
"Goddess?" A male voice asked. Anne turned her head, only to lock eyes with a tall, handsome man who was casually sitting up against a wall. His hair, the same shade as hers, was tied up by a red headband so that it spiked straight up, and gave her the impression of a rooster. "What're you talking about? You're probably worse than Megumi said you were..."  
  
"What? Who ARE you people?" She asked hesitantly, surveying the room. Along with the rooster-haired man was another man, though shorter in stature, with blindingly red hair in a long ponytail and a cross-shaped scar on his left cheek; a woman, whose clothes were similar to what Celestina had given Anne, and whose raven hair was pulled back in a high ponytail; a boy, possibly no older than thirteen or fourteen, with dark, spiky hair and a wooden sword on his back. Anne now started to feel frightened. What had Celestina DONE to her...?  
  
The red-headed man smiled kindly at her. "Though Sano caught you as you fell, your head hit the table and probably caused amneisia, that it did. I'm Kenshin, there's Miss Kaoru and Yahiko--" he gestured to the woman and the younger boy, who both smiled piteously at her. "--and Sanosuke." The taller man averted his eyes to the floor, as if embarassed about the introduction. "I'm not surprised that you don't remember what happened today, that I am not. Do you still know who you are?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm Anne -- Anne Milton," she said softly, though was surprised when Yahiko openly laughed at her.  
  
"Where'd you come up with that name?" He cackled. "You're Hotaru Eijo!"  
  
Anne stared as the realization started to hit her. This was all Celestina's fault... and now, she was trapped in a living hell that was at the goddess' control. She, as a character, had no power over anything and had no way out... tears started to fill her eyes as her fear and anger swelled up inside of her. "I'm going to kill that goddess," she swore under her breath. "I'm absolutely going to kill her."  
  
===============  
  
I dare to be evil! *cackles in a rather sinister fashion, thunder and lightning go off in the backdrop* ...gotta thank the sound effects guy sometime. But, anyway, tell me what you thought, if you'd like. Every author appreciates getting reviews! Now... I'm off to work on the next chapter. 


	2. Learning to Cope

Chapter two -- Learning to Cope  
~*~  
  
Disclaimer: Again, I don't own the Rurouni Kenshin continuum, its characters, or Celestina Windbreaker. Just thought you ought to know.  
  
I never knew so many people knew my quote from The Fairly Odd Parents! *beams* That was really cool. And since that seemed to be a bit of fun, I have another Name That Quote:  
  
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"  
  
I'll be halfway impressed if a number of people know where this came from... Anyway, enjoy the fic and such!  
~*~  
  
After another few moments of awkward silence, Anne excused herself and left, sliding the door closed behind her. "I'm dreaming," she told herself sternly. "I'm in an absolutely horrific nightmare, and all I have to do is want to wake up, and I'll be out of this hell..." She closed her eyes tightly and tensed every muscle in her body; not surprising, nothing happened. A heavy sigh escaped her as she relaxed her body once more. "Who'm I kidding -- I'm trapped in a world I know nothing about!" She moaned.  
  
Then it hit her. All those historical movies she'd seen that took place in the Meiji Era, all those specials on the History Channel on Japan near the turn of the ninteenth century, all the hours of free-time research on the sammurai; maybe she could remember enough to fit in, just for a little while... only until Celestina revealed herself again. Then, she'd regret ever using Anne Milton for her entertainment!  
  
'Okay,' she thought quickly, 'I can do this. I'm in the late 1880's, the Revolution that led to the Meiji Era was about ten or eleven years ago, the law against carrying swords has probably been in affect for a while... darn the luck, that means I can't kill Windbreaker with a sword in public...'  
  
"Hey, Missie, you okay?"  
  
Anne jumped at the sound of Sanosuke's voice and turned quickly to face him. He was casually leaning against a post, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, and a concerned look on his face. "I'm fine," she muttered darkly. "I just needed to think for a while."  
  
He grunted empathetically. "I can understand why -- losing your memory must be pretty hard to deal with, huh?"  
  
"Something like that." Anne felt a vein below her right eye beginning to twitch. 'He's not taking the hint of "leave me alone, you stupid git",' she thought with an impatient sigh. Suddenly, she noticed a slightly sickening smell that was unmistakably... 'Body odor? What the CARP?!' Forgetting about Sanosuke for an instant, she turned back around and sniffed as quietly as she could. 'EEW, SICK... and embarassing! Celestina's going to DIE,' she vowed to herself. 'How long's it been since my last documented shower?'  
  
Sanosuke blinked, confused. "Something wrong?"  
  
"Not really..." She bit her lip angrily and turned back to face him. "Look, I hate to ask this, but is there anywhere I can, um... take a bath or something?"  
  
"Sure, I doubt Kenshin would mind firing up the bath-house." He grinned and winked at her, which brought the return of the Anne's twitching vein. "I'll go ask for you."  
  
"THANKS," she growled, though he didn't seem to notice her irate tone as he jogged back to the room from whence he came. Once Sanosuke was safely out of earshot, Anne let out an aggrivated noise and clenched her fists. "I will get you back, Celestina," she snarled at the ceiling. "I swear by all that is holy and unholy in this world, I will get you back SO FORKING BAD!"  
  
Just as she finished her vows for future violence and the possible beginning of her criminal record, Kaoru came outside with folded towels in hand. "C'mon, Hotaru, Kenshin's already left to prepare your bath."  
  
"Stop calling me that!" Anne snapped. "My name is Anne! AN-NE! Do you want me to forking SPELL it for you?!" She'd just about had enough of the stupid name they kept trying to give her.  
  
The young woman gave her a slightly frightened look. "I guess your amnesia must be worse than we thought," she said quietly, continuing her walk to the bath-house. Knowing she was possibly fighting a losing battle, Anne silently followed her to the small building, watched her place the towels inside, thanked her with all the fake gracious emotion she could manage, and closed the door after she had left. 'I doubt I'll ever get used to being called "Hotaru",' she mused as she undressed.  
  
The bath was unrealistically wonderful; precisely the thing she needed to clear her mind. Trying to push the idea of drowning herself into the back of her mind, she desperately raced through every fact she'd ever learned about the Meiji Era. Maybe, if she could convince Celestina that she was "happy", she'd take her home and never bother her again... or, maybe she'd be stuck in ninteenth century Japan forever. She preferred not the dwell upon the latter of the two thoughts.  
  
Sounds of the outside door sliding open and quiet footsteps made her jump nervously. 'If that's Sanosuke, I'm going to kill him... only after I kill Celestina.' The outer door slid closed again, much to her relief, but she couldn't help but wonder what had happened... she carefully rose and wrapped herself in a towel, then inched the door open ever-so slightly.  
  
Her clothes we gone.  
  
Anne felt an angry heat rising up her neck as she slowly drummed a taboo on the door with her fingertips. "Okay, Windbreaker... that's borderlining on the last straw. One more crazy little episode like that, and I swear I'll go psycho and kill every one of them!"  
  
'You wouldn't DARE,' a voice sneered from inside her head. 'You can't kill off anyone unless I tell you to!'  
  
"Try me," Anne snapped. "I will! That rooster-hair-guy's on the top of my list! I could go kill them this instant!"  
  
'No you can't. You're naked.'  
  
She grimaced. "I'm physically capable of killing them whenever I please! Part of that stupid past you gave me includes swordsmanship, and I can probably handle a sword better than you!"  
  
'Oh, fine, have it YOUR way...' the voice faded out as quickly as it had come, and the next instant, the front door slid open hesitantly.  
  
"Hey, Missie, I found these outside," Sanosuke's voice called as he poked his head in. "Are they yours or somethi---" He stopped dead in his tracks as he met Anne's ever-growing look of embarassed panic. "...uh-oh."  
  
~*~  
  
It was sometime later that Anne was called for dinner. She left the guest's quarters in which she was staying, sighed to herself as she closed the door behind her, and slowly made her way to the dining room (she wasn't quite sure what to call it, having only studied Latin for her two years of foreign language), where she found everyone else waiting for her at their places.  
  
"It's good to see you've rested, Hotaru-dono," Kenshin greeted her, watching her sit next to Kaoru.  
  
"Thanks," she muttered. If nothing else, at least the people in this world were genuinely polite to her... it was something she didn't miss about her home. 'Wait, what am I THINKING? I bloody well miss home... GET OUT OF MY NARRATION, WINDBREAKER!'  
  
The author cackled, then stopped and cursed under her breath in Japanese as she accidenally banged her knee on the underside of the desk.  
  
Anne glanced worriedly at the chopsticks that had been set out on her own little stand-like table. "Um... this is going to sound really stupid, but I don't know how to use these," she admitted.  
  
"No, I understand," Kaoru coaxed gently. "You know, I would've thought that you'd have been able to remember more than this, Hotaru..."  
  
"Oh, you'd be surprised what else I can't remember." 'Or what I'd like to forget,' she thought dryly as Kaoru attempted to show her the proper way to hold and use her chopsticks. Anne felt no embarassment in having to learn this, for as long as they believed that she'd had her "horrible loss of memory", she could get away with a bit more than she'd imagined. 'And on the other hand, they wouldn't believe anything I say,' she thought sadly. 'If I've supposedly lost my memory, then I'm probably next to crazy in their eyes. There goes trying to tell them about Celestina...'  
  
'Clever thinking,' Celestina's voice commented smugly from inside her head. Anne frowned outwardly and continued poking into her rice in an attempt to ignore the goddess, but the voice continued. 'I'm glad to have finally found a girl who understands my world...'  
  
'Understand, shmunderstand,' she thought dryly. 'I only know that you're a sick, demented freak in a blindingly stupid dress. If you EVER try to do anything like that shower episode again, you're going to be a few good guys short of a continuum.'  
  
Celestina, in all her glorious annoyance, laughed. 'You think threats will work? Everyone here has twice the strength you've got, sister. You MIGHT be able to get at Yahiko or Kaoru if they're sleeping, but there's no way you could kill Kenshin or Sanosuke in your present form.'  
  
'...okay, if they've always been that strong, why did you wait to tell me that now instead of earlier?'  
  
'Oh--- bother you! I can make your life miserable!' The goddess' voice sneered.  
  
Anne snorted. 'I doubt you could make things worse than they are now, Ms. High-And-Mighty Goddess of Jackets.'  
  
'Never underestimate Celestina Windbreaker... come tomorrow, you're going to wish that you'd never challenged my powers!'  
  
As the voice died away, Anne glanced around to see that nothing else had changed; everyone was absorbed in their own meals, either deep in thought or hungrier than they had appeared. She sighed to herself and put her bowl down, then nodded once to Kaoru. "Thank you for the great meal, Kaoru," she said with a small smile. "Please excuse me, I think I'll be going to bed early." Listening to herself talk, she couldn't help but scowl inwardly. 'I sound pathetic,' she thought sourly. 'Oh, well. Maybe this is how a Mary Sue is supposed to sound...'  
  
Yahiko peered into the girl's bowl and glanced up at her, a worried expression on his face. "But Hotaru, you hardly ate anything at all," he said quietly.  
  
"You should eat, de gozaru," Kenshin added sagely. "You need your strength back, and you haven't eaten anything all day."  
  
She dismissed their advice with a wave of her hand. "Nah, I'll be all right -- no worries."  
  
Sanosuke rose as she crossed towards the door. "Do you need anyone to go with you?" He asked, his eyes trying to lock onto hers.  
  
'No THANKS, buddy-boy,' she thought dryly, but she found herself saying: "I might. I can't quite remember where my room is..." 'Oh FORK, where'd THAT come from?! I know perfectly well where I'm going!' She wanted to give an irritated noise, but nothing came out. 'DARN YOU, WINDBREAKER,' she thought in a snarl. 'You're really asking for it...'  
  
The author waited until she had finished typing, then set into a wild fit of laughter that caused her to fall out of her chair.  
  
===============  
BWAAAH! This is rather enjoyable, to tell the truth. But now to reply to the people who have reviewed...  
  
The Noble Platypus: I'm glad I wrote Celestina to your liking! ^^; I was worried about getting her in character. But, since everyone else is major-league OOC, maybe she could have just absorbed the, um... OOC-ness. Ah well. Hope you're going to update your stuff soon! *wink*nudge*nudge*wink*  
  
Houndingwolf: Thanks! I like your name, by the way. Very cool! *gives Houndingwolf an anime peace-sign*  
  
EEevee: I didn't mean to make your rear fall off from fits of laughter -- my apologies! *grins* Just kidding. I hope you keep checking back for more Rice-A-Roni Kenshin goodness ^^  
  
Lunan Starbright: Hey, eez you! Hi, you! And thanks for the review. I'm working on continuing as quickly as I possibly can, what with school and all. I'm actually supposed to be reading Animal Farm at this second o.o; Oopsies.  
  
regi: Sorry, I've been bad about e-mailing everybody on my list lately... school's been hell, but it's almost over. Huzzah! Thanks for the review!  
  
Katla: YAY! You got my quote AND the ones from the review I sent you! I'm hoping you can guess this one, too -- I'll have one every chapter. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Little Shannon: YAY! You got my quote, too! Huzzah! And I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am ^^ It's fun to totally wreck someone's canon intentionally... of course, I can't do something like Lord of the Rings -- too many people have already done that without realizing it. Keep checking back!  
  
See y'all next chapter! Whenever that is... o.o; Honestly, the last three months of school have GOT to be the hardest. I'm homeschooled, and I'm STILL having a hecktic time. AGH! SAVE ME! 


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